Peace Corps is not for hippies

I used to get really annoyed when people called me a hippie for wanting to join the Peace Corps. Yeah right. Like a real hippie could stay in one place for two full years and complete monitoring and evaluation reports. It just goes to show how little people actually know about the Peace Corps.

I now live with more rules, regulations, policies, and expectations than ever before. 

The tail end of February wasn't the best. I slid into a slump in the post-fair emptiness that was my schedule. I spared you all the sad blog posts, because I've written sad blog posts before and people don't really get it. It's hard to make sense of crushing loneliness in so many words, and make it entertaining to boot.

Valentine's Day, a day I don't normally care for in the US, just seemed to amplify my loneliness. Buying tons of internet saldo didn't help the situation either as everyone was too busy with their loved ones to Skype.

Then I found out that the mayor running for reelection in my pueblo used a photo of me and two other PCVs in his campaign propaganda without my permission.  I have no idea how he got the photo, but I was pretty damn pissed off. Obviously, it's a big fat NO for a volunteer to support a political party. It diminishes my credibility and violates the relationship with Peace Corps. And to add insult to injury he calls us "tourists."

So many things wrong with this.

I know this particular man isn't above staging photo ops, but I felt like this warranted some kind of retribution. I wish my supervisors could have called him to explain that this isn't ok. Send an email? A text? Common! Nothing ended up happening and I'm left denying rumors that I voted for the mayor (or that I'm swaying the vote somehow). Fortunately all that died down when he didn't win. Guess the gringos didn't do you any favors, bub.

Adding to the general crappiness of the month, my host mom's mom is sick. I really like this lady and I feel terrible that she's in pain. I went to visit her with my host mom who, despite having nine other brothers and sisters, is the only one to care for her. I figured it'd be nice to brighten her day, but I couldn't do anything to make her feel better and her groans of pain were almost too much to bare. It felt eerily familiar to watch a daughter care for her sick parent, and I had to get out of there. I stayed the appropriate three hours then caught the first bus heading back to site.

Throughout this slump I had something I was looking forward to, keeping me going during the "total lack of control" days. Kai, my trainee friend from San Antonio, was making it back to El Salvador! It was just me, Maria and Kai back when we first got here and we quickly came to rely on each other. I was so excited to see him in person because social media and Skype could never capture his personality. A bunch of us made plans to avoid the elections (which I was especially trying to do since my house served as headquarters for the local FLMN chapter and, well, Touristgate...) and spend standfast weekend at the beach with our friend Kai.

Standfast, like I explained last year, basically means you can't travel or leave where you're at typically due to elections or earthquakes. So that could mean 3 days in site or... 3 days at the beach? They've been drilling it into our heads for the better part of a year that it's better to text Whereabouts whenever you're out of site than to be scared about taking too many nights out of site (we get 3 nights off a month). I think it makes sense. Better safe than screwed. I and the other PCVs took this "text whereabouts" campaign verbatim and planned to bunker down at the beach, follow the transportation policy by taking the PC micro, and allow one more night at the beach to avoid travel over the standfast.

Then all hell broke loose and we were politely informed by senior staff that if we were to carry out this trip we would be administratively separated. Read: kicked out. Over one more night at the beach.

Now I should probably get this out there to avoid confusion: I understand why we have safety and security policies, I abide by them, and I generally approve of their existence. I don't feel angry with PCES staff (anymore) and I can see why they felt the need to come down hard on this policy. (In fact, this post describes how much I like staff members and our 3 night policy. This is my attempt at being neutral on this.)

But why was the policy enforced this time? I thought our texts to Whereabouts were more or less private? Why did senior staff have to vote whether or not to even enforce this policy? Why aren't our policies uniformly enforced?! Is it really a policy to administratively separate a PCV who spends one more night out of site a month? What happened to all that bonding that took place at the Staff/PCV retreat? Aren't these kinds of oversights and mixed messages the reason we needed a retreat to begin with?!

As you can see, I have a lot of questions and I don't think they'll be answered. This bothers me. Even though the average blog reader might not care about policy distinction, it feels very important to me. I've been in El Salvador for 586 days and I've followed the rules and tried my damnedest to live up to the core expectations. It's a shame that this weekend, which I so sorely needed, was taken from me last minute. It's a bigger shame that I don't feel like I can trust staff.

So with all my newfound alone time I wrote this blog post. Why, though? The fight was beaten out of me, literally, years ago. I know PC is a huge government agency just like any other, and like any other they're bogged down by policies and regulations which sometimes are executed and sometimes lost in translation. Being a PCV puts you at the bottom of the agency totem pole, and you just gotta deal with it. There's no point in fighting. You're not going to "win."

Remember when I told you to take the application power into your hands and ask about the prospective PC country's safety and security policies, program indicators, transportation policy, etc? It's because these things will heavily influence your life for two years. Like... when you want to see your friend at the beach but you can't. If you value independence, do you think you could live with the housing policy or implement the program goals? Do you? DO YOU!?

I guess I just want to tell my story. I want to cite true examples from my PC experience and share them with the world. In my way, I'm trying to correct the ridiculous notion that Peace Corps is for hippies.

Because what hippie would really put up with all of this?

"Part of my debt repaid"

I want to give a shout out to my PCV friend Rachel who recently published a wonderful blog post. Rachel just participated in the GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) camp that I'm supremely jealous of. As PCVs do, Rachel had some post-camp reflections about the state of El Salvador, women, and the purpose of Peace Corps.

There's a part in Rachel's post where she talks about why she chose to serve in the Peace Corps. She mentions her childhood and the boundless activities, sports, and educational opportunities she had. Our childhoods are remarkably similar, even down to the saxophone lessons and swim practice. (Though, I must admit, Rachel is much smarter and challenged herself academically way more!)

Rachel captures a true and beautiful reason for coming to a country like El Salvador where these opportunities for children are virtually nonexistent:

Peace Corps is, in some small way, part of my debt repaid. I want to be that camp counselor, that sports coach, that arts and crafts guru, and that teacher for the kids in my community that opened my mind, taught me about myself and about the world, and motivated me to make something of myself when I was a kid.

This message resonates so greatly with me. Throughout my service I've been trying to explain exactly why it was that I wanted to do this. I've given pathetically vague answers like, "I just wanted to have the experience" or "I wanted to give back." But now that I've been in it for what feels like a very long time, I'm starting to realize that what I thought of PC before applying and what I think now are completely different. I can't even recognize the person who wrote my letter of intent to serve. She seems so wildly hopeful to the point of being downright naive. She sounds impractical, a little calculated, and self-serving in such a condescending way. And yes, we're talking about someone who wants to serve in the Peace Corps.

I realize now that the indicators and objectives just aren't my thing. Especially not in a place that needs hope more than anything else. That's where I believe our place is as Peace Corps Volunteers- sharing joy and spreading some hope. I never thought I would be teaching an art class before I came to ES, but it's turned out to be the best part of my service. I'm so proud and genuinely impressed by my kids, and Leo has become a great working partner.

It's not what I expected when I applied 3 years ago, but deep down it's what I wanted to do. Like Rachel, I feel like in some small way I'm paying back, or dare I say, paying forward the love and generosity I was given as a child.

So thanks everyone. You've done more good than you'll ever know.

Please read Rachel's amazing blog post here.

Shout out!

I've talked about the Peace Corps organization and the new application process quite often on my blog. I typically view my employer favorably, I just like to think aloud in my posts! I always thought maybe someone would come across my blog and think it was kinda interesting too.

Well, I was right about one thing- giving applicants a choice in where they serve is leading to some very crafty blog searching. Just last week a potential PCV reached out to me asking about the program in El Salvador. It's one of her options and she wanted to hear more about PCV life in this country.

Oh, how the power went to my head! I could tell her anything, completely uncensored! Who was going to know that it was ME who dashed her hopes and dreams of an ideal PC El Salvador! Mwahaha!

Just kidding. I made a pro/con list, like always. I was fair and balanced, and provided my personal experience and referenced other PCV blogs that demonstrate additional experiences. I also plugged our official Peace Corps El Salvador website, because I wouldn't be a good PR person if I didn't.

How interesting though! This is exactly what I did way back when, and it seems like I've finally come full circle. The great thing is that now I can give advice and suggestions that have some weight with the applicant's decisions.

Maybe you think this blog post is boring, but you're wrong. It's fascinating. It's a whole new world out there! I'm so excited to see what happens with Peace Corps as all these changes roll out.

And I know Angelica is going to be an amazing PCV, where ever she chooses to serve :)

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

It's been a BIG WEEK for Peace Corps! Remember way back when Director Carrie Hessler-Radelet came to El Salvador and I cried all over her? She mentioned some big changes Peace Corps wanted to make. Perhaps the most revolutionary change we discussed was to give those applying the decision making power when it comes to where they are going to serve, when they leave, and what they'd be doing.

Whoa. Now, let me remind you, when I applied in 2012 I filled out the application (which took me weeks to finish) and hoped for a kind-hearted placement officer who would listen to my goals and strengths and match me to an ideal country that departed within a reasonable timeframe so I wouldn't feel like I was wasting away in the Chicago 'burbs. The whole process took about a year. I think my wish was granted, more or less. I'm doing community development and learning Spanish. But what if I had the opportunity to choose where and when? Would I have changed my mind on what I'd want to do when I saw all of the options available?

Now the process starts with a simple question: Where do you want to go? Then afterwards, What do you want to do? These two questions, so simple and yet so incredibly important, lead you to a list of opportunities complete with host country and departure dates.

They say the application takes about 1 hour to complete. Wooow.

I must admit that I'm jealous. I spent 5 minutes playing around with the new interactive application and I was hooked. I immediately started comparing different programs and looking into the cultures of host countries. I wanted to see how easy it was to narrow down what I'd be interested in. (Surprisingly, it was super easy. I am so jealous.)

But you do know what this means, right? Peace Corps just opened itself to the free market. Giving applicants the power to choose means you also give them the power to Google the hell out of where they're thinking about applying to. You're going to see all these new Peace Corps Host Country websites pop-up on the internet. Country Directors are going to have to find a way to prove that the country is safe, the staff is caring, PCVs are harmonious and happy, and the programs are rewarding. Will this prompt competition? Will this push staff to find the best host sites, provide the best training, be the most professional and helpful at all times? 

This might be something that the creators of Peace Corps Wiki had in mind. PC Wiki was your only information source back in the dark ages when you had no choice in nuthin'. Me and my Master's International cohort would check the Wiki page obsessively during our application process. It was all we had when dealing with the tight-lipped bureaucracy that is PC Washington (Maybe was? Have these sweeping changes also affected the bah humbugery of Headquarters staff?). I honestly got an email back from my placement officer that said "How am I supposed to work on your application or anyone else's if you are emailing me? Just be flexible and patient." Oh sorry, just thought I'd check up on my life-altering application since I hadn't gotten ANY PC contact for months. The creators of the PC Wiki page were all about submitting FOIA requests for country specific Early Termination rates. This is something that PC doesn't publicly put out, which is too bad. It gives you a lot of insight into how the country is being run and how the PCVs are feeling. 

Of course, ET rates aren't everything. The language complexity, culture, food, medical attention, climate, work success (or lack thereof), and so much more affect the well being of a PCV.  Just because you don't ET doesn't mean everything is absolutely perfect with your service. Trust me, I know what it's like to stare down the barrel at the one-year mark and seriously contemplate Early Termination. Last month I had said "Not talking about ETing just contributes to the sense of "false advertising" that trails the Peace Corps." I failed to elaborate which false advertising I was referring to. At the time I was thinking of the iconic gaggle of school children reading or playing with a gringo, all smiling, with copy saying something like "For dreamers who do."

Uh, like this one. 

It solicits that warm fuzzy feeling. It feels like the PCV is spiritually fulfilled and reassured that they are making a grand difference in the world and the Peace Corps is just swell. It worked on me. I have my good days, but I also have days where I'm down in the dumps. I often ask myself just what in the hell am I doing here? Those days aren't on the advertisements. 

Recently President Obama did a PSA for Peace Corps inviting Americans to apply. To be fair, he did say that "Life as a Peace Corps Volunteer isn't always easy." As revolutionary as the new application process may be, PC service won't change. Maybe the feeling of autonomy during the application process will carry over into the actual 27 month part and PCVs will feel like they're accomplishing some of the things Obama talks about in the PSA. 

Me being the PR spin doctor I am, I see the chance for PC host countries to put out their own kind of false advertising. Serve in the Dominican Republic, we have beaches! Serve in Mexico, we're close to home! I really hope it doesn't come to that. Maybe they'll put a greater emphasis on gritty, true life blogs (like this one). I try to give the best with the worst and keep the truth in mind. 

Yesterday we got a shipment of fresh COEDs. I don't know if any of them chose El Salvador, but I hope they are happy here either way.