My last days in El Salvador

It wasn't all doom and gloom my last days in El Salvador. My host family and PCV friends did a lot to celebrate my time with me and send me off well. Here are some pictures from my last week in El Salvador:

Seder time! I used the time together to tell some PCVs in person that I was leaving. It was really sad, but everyone was supportive. And I love Seder. It's my favorite cross-cross cultural activities we do. Thanks to Hil and Noah!

Me and Maria in all our Kosher glory. 

The next day me and Amanda went for a hike and swam in this waterfall. It was so beautiful! 

Waterfalls were a big part of my service. Only fitting that I climbed one more.

Our guide, Prudi. I've known him through Noah and Hil, and he was an amazing guide. We talked about the future of El Salvador and how he sees things. I really valued his opinions. 

On Wednesday I made pupusas for the community. People were impressed!

Me and Orbe serving up pupusas hot!

I had two despedidas at the school. I was so surprised! Here's me with the 9th graders and my cake, it says Gracias por todo/Thanks for everything. 

Cutting the cake. Then they rubbed some on my face because that's what you do!

They also gave me a t-shirt with all their names and mine on it. Here's me with the boys.

And the girls. 

The next day I had a surprise despedida with the teachers. So much food!!!!

I would have dressed up, but all my clothes were packed. It was so kind of them and they had nice things to say. The school was my little oasis in the community, so I was happy to spend time with them before I left. 

On my last day we made marquesote (a type of sweet bread) so I could bring it home to my family. Here's my host dad whipping eggs.

And we aprovechared the oven and made pizza! It was the best pizza we've ever made. Kati and Xio making food. 

Josefina and my Aysel on Sunday morning, the morning I left my community. 

I immediately started crying when Aysel walked through the door. That was my gut reaction. I wish I could take her with me. 

Otinia was my rock from the beginning. Saying goodbye to her was hard. 

Right after this group photo I sobbed on everyone. Like can't breath, snot nosed sobs. I will never, ever forget them.

Me ringing the bell. It's over :(

My PM, Clelia, and I.  

Irma, my life saving PCMO, and I. 

It was an exciting moment. 

I really wanted to share these photos because this is how I remember my community: selfless, caring people who just want to support me and take me in.

I ask that you keep an open mind regarding my situation. I never want someone to think, "Oh El Salvador, that place is terrible." Please don't generalize and please don't think I resent anything. I have fond memories and abundant love for my community, for PCES, and for my fellow PCVs. I'm thankful for this experience and I'll carry it with me forever.

Makin' moves

Back in the campo and back in action! I had an absolutely amazing time at home. I ate a bunch of my favorite foods (though now I'm thinking of things I missed and will haunt me until I go home again), and saw my favorite people. The best times I had were when people just acted like it was another normal December day with Alex. Not "Oooooh my GAWD we have such little time together and it will be ages before I see you again so let me just STARE at you." The later made me feel uncomfortable and even a little angry. I don't want to constantly be reminded that I'm just a visitor in my own home! Naturally, some of the people to commit this crime are the ones I love most dearly.

And a lot of people thought I was home for good. I guess time goes faster in the USA, because I met up with people who felt positive that I had been in El Salvador for at least 2 years already. (It's actually been 542 days, but who's counting?)

I needed the time to recharge my batteries in the US. I've had a lot of momentous setbacks and failed projects, and I basically went missing when I was writing my capstone. (Which, if you would like to read, can be found on the Stevenson Center for Community and Economic Development's Research webpage here.) I was feeling blah and very "over it" regarding service or work related activities. I'm kicking myself for that now, because some PCVs from my group just pulled off a very successful GLOW camp that has been months in the works. I wish I was feeling more motivated and got in on this great opportunity!

I came back feeling much more in the game for my last 9 months of service. Actually, right now it's kind of like 8 months. And it's really only about 5 months until I visit home again so.... this is it.

I guess time goes fast in El Salvador, too.

I'm already making big moves. I mean literally, I'm moving host families. I got back from vacation and was handed some unfortunate news along the lines of "move out." Although I was surprised, I wasn't very upset. I have a very unusual relationship with my host family. I've never been treated as a family member but I'm more than just a tenant. I have gross household chores that are way above my pay grade and they just do not care about my sleep schedule. I took this boot to the butt as an opportunity to move in with a family who welcomes, accepts, and supports me. The actual housing structure is, well, a major downgrade. But I don't care in the least bit. I've gotten to know my future host family over the past year and a half and I feel like I'll be so much happier under their roof.

Right now we're working to bring it up to PCES standards. I'm helping to build a door and hook up electricity, and do something about the bat problem. I'm also spending some good bonding time with my future family. Today is a birthday party and I'm bringing American candy to snack on.

I'm going to be sad to move. I've made this my home. I have pictures up on the walls and I know where the cell signal hits best on all areas of our property. I like chatting with my host dad and I really like our fancy house (indoor plumbing!). And Aysel. Don't even get me started, I might cry. I've been spending time just talking nonsense with her and knocking green mangos off our trees. I'm gonna miss my niñita.

The end of a long year

I don't think I have ever been more anxious for anything in my life than to go home IN 8 DAYS. It's all I think about and all I really have to talk about. It's what keeps me calm and collected when the boys are screaming for no other reason than to make more noise and my host mom tells me off for not washing my curtain for a whole year (gasp!). Which means it's absolutely ridiculous that I'm a little sad I won't get to immediately cross off the final month of 2014 on my self-motivation poster.

I thought the stickers were fitting. I'm big on self-motivation if you can't tell. 

It's been a long year, my innumerable band of devoted followers. I know I may have a tendency to, well, complain a bit here on my blog. I'm sure if you search my blog for booming religious ranchera music (that's actually playing as I type this), inhumane heat, and dastardly failed projects... you would get many a hits. There are lots of times I come here to write something out just so I can stop obsessing over it. I do try to portray both sides of the story, but at the end of the day this is my place to share my particular experience. I even have a disclosure statement that says so! Crossing off the months has always put to rest the troubles of the previous month and given me a fresh start for the next. PC is a marathon, not a sprint. There is way too much time to focus on the bad stuff if you don't mentally exfoliate every month. Shoot, mentally exfoliate every day! Now that I'm at the end of 2014, I can look back and remember the good times a lot quicker than the bad.

And there have been many good times, too. There's a lot of good stuff that doesn't make the blog. Like, yesterday Aysel was walking around with some leaves in a giant basket on her head screaming "Fresco! Fresco for sale!" like a street vendor. She's so darn cute and I love her imagination. And there's also the times when these two girls next door call me "Ale Bonita" when I walk by. They're right- I am beautiful. And I always get a kick out of embarrassing Ana at the pupusaria. That poor angsty girl.

I've been thinking about a New Years resolution for 2015 but I haven't thought of anything that sticks. I remember what I wrote on New Years day 2014 and little did I know but that resolution was the most important thing I could have done. Sticking through the hard times, the times that sometimes overshadow the good that happens, has resulted in such a beautiful experience.

So, I won't cross off the last month of 2014 on the 31st. I'll be poppin' champagne on a boat!!! No, just kidding. My bed time is 9pm now, I don't even know if I'll make it to midnight. I will, however, do some mental exfoliation when I'm at home. After all, 2015 is sure to be a big year, too.

My girl

Everybody who's talked to me in the last year and a half knows that I'm head over heels for my girl Aysel. We've been spending a lot of quality time together around the house. Since she knows how to handle my iPad better than most adults, I let her go wild with the apps and camera. (Too bad I haven't had enough time or strong enough internet to update my apps so they tend to spontaneously shut down.) Sometimes I snap some adorable pics, too.

We like to draw together. 

On paper as big as her.

Who needs snow when you've got corn husks!?

Workin hard or hardly workin, Aysel?

Yesterday I went to the Ciudad Mujer inauguration and it was... typical. Very hot, lots of prom dresses, some woman shoved me into the curb and I got sick from the comedor food. Although the organization is technically separate from a political party the guest speakers definitely trumped up the party who largely supports them, which left me feeling awkward per usual. I genuinely do appreciate what the organization stands for and how they provide cancer screenings and reproductive health information to rural women, but of course there's got to be some political component and that may complicate things for an apolitical volunteer like me. For example, even though my three host sisters gladly participated in the sewing workshop in October they refused to come to the inauguration because they don't support the political party that supports Ciudad Mujer. I came home to a hail storm of who went from the community and who they told people to vote for and did I give a speech? (They clearly misunderstood the amount of people at the inauguration. For once I was just a nobody getting pushed around and having my seat stolen just like the rest of 'em.)

It's all very complicated and I'll be happy when the mid-term elections are finally over in March.

And for some reason the women of my casario were directed to sit in the ONE ROW that was in the gap between canopy tents where the sun was beating down. I sat for a whole 10 minutes then was overcome with a "Oh hell no" attitude and moved to a row more in the shade. I tried to convince the women I was with to move with me to the dark side, but it's typical here to only accept what is given to you so they stayed put and tried shielding themselves from the sun for the next 3 hours.

Too many people. This isn't even half. 

It was absolutely ridiculous trying to find our bus afterwards, just like the other 8,000 women who attended. That's when I was shoved out of some woman's way into oncoming traffic and hit the curb. I shouted a variety of expletives in English, my native tongue that's adapt to swearing, and I think that's about when my women's group gave up hope of leaving and congregated on the road partition. When we did finally meet up with our bus an hour later we were exhausted, sun burnt, and defeated.

I took some much needed alone time when I got home to think. When I look at Aysel I sometimes feel like I want to adopt her and take her to the US where I could give her a good education and recreation and libraries and all the amazing opportunities I had as a kid. But that's crazy. She has a loving family who would never let her go and I don't truly want a 3 year old kid. However, I think Aysel is only ever going to have those things if a million little changes happen across the country at the personal, community, and institutional levels. I have no idea if that'll happen in her lifetime.

I think the goals that Ciudad Mujer have are important and start conversations with women who don't tend to think critically about their lives' obstacles and opportunities. They have their work cut out for them. I hope that someday this country will be a safer and brighter place for all little girls, but especially my girl Aysel.

Coloring

I've been spending a lot of time with Aysel in-between writing a grant for the art group and working on my capstone. Have you ever written a grant before? It's rough. I wish it would be enough to just say, Hey! We like art and we would like to buy some paint brushes. Can you give us some money?

But it's not that easy. It's all about indicators and outcomes! I'm glad I'm getting the experience though.

Today we colored and she's so darn cute I had to share the pics:

The artist poses at her easel. 

Her work!

My sister's heading to summer camp tomorrow, so I made this drawing for her. Aysel particularly liked the dog.

Have fun, Tate!

More thoughts on America

I've been feeling very reflective about the relationship between El Salvador and America lately. Sometimes I am so thankful that I'm serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer HERE because I'm seeing and experiencing a prospective that everyone wants to generalize. We're a hot media topic! Reporters, pundits and the like have been particularly interested in investigating the plight of the solo child immigrant from Central America. I've actually recognized and identified with some of their stories (because I'm biased and only get my news from NPR, and they generally have very solid reporting).

But they can't possibly generalize El Salvador. You just can't sum up every single child immigrant's story, or the increasing gang violence story, or even the faulty government story. There is so much bubbling under the surface, and every day I get a better whiff of what's really cooking in this country.

I've gotten some help from statistics. Ok, they're more like opinion polls, but they give you a good idea on what the people think and feel. I, being the nerd that I am, follow the Pew Research Center on Facebook and I've been pretty impressed by two studies they just published. A study showing that 82% of Salvadorans believe alcohol use is morally wrong kind of proved my point that I don't get to enjoy margaritas like I used to. Or any alcoholic beverage for that matter. What I would do for a nice craft IPA!

I also get the question, "Aren't Americans a target for violence? Aren't you going to get attacked?" quite frequently. Guys, that's just silly. El Salvador loves America. The majority who responded say that yeah, they have a favorable opinion of the United States. There are some 2 million Salvadorans who live in the US, and every one of them has family living back here in the motherland, most likely living on remezas sent from the US. If anything, people want to be my Facebook friend and get married (to me).

This last bit is really interesting to me. I started my English class on July 3rd with this question- "How many people know someone who lives in the US?" Everyone rose their hand.

Perfect way, I thought, to kick off a KWL with my class on America. It took some time to loosen the class up and get the ideas flowing. Possibly because I had just played Frank Sinatra singing "America the Beautiful" three times, and had just shown them these pictures on my iPad:

GOD

BLESS

'MURIICA

I was just really excited to celebrate Independence Day with my fellow Americans! Maybe I was a little intimidating about the land of the free and home of the brave. I finally got some responses from the class. Turns out, they don't know much about America at all. 

There are 50 states, the food is expensive, there are more opportunities, industrial country, culturally acceptable to have tattoos, different language, there's the Statue of Liberty, the FBI exists. (My drawing of Lake Michigan and manifest destiny.)

 For a country who loves America, and who has such a large portion of their recent history and population tied to the US, they have very little knowledge about the place. It spurned some interesting "Want To Learns."

Some highlights: What's the different names of the states? What's typical food? What's the most famous university? Why are there 50 states? What's the largest lake?

 I loved their questions. I really did. It shows some curiosity. I explained the concept of manifest density, and the beauty of Lake Michigan, Yale and Harvard are show-offs, and apple pie is probably the ideal "American" food. I also tried to talk about how Americans are more independent of their family units. Like, it's ok to go away to college. Oh, and a lot of us go to college. Because we finish high school... which is a full day, with sports teams and homecoming dances. But hey! Two of my great-grandparents went through Ellis Island, so that's cool right?

The culture gap got too wide and I fell in. We summarized some of the finer points of my rant in the "Learned" column. Turns out, I can't even generalize my own country. I'd get caught up on a tangent about "Chiraq" or the military or how monstrously we treat Native Americans. I rejected McDonalds, lauded public radio, then showed them my not-so-scandalous tattoo. I kept saying things like, "This is just my point of view! Everyone is different!" but it didn't matter. I was the only America in the room, so my word was gospel truth.

I don't feel like I did America justice. It truly is a great and beautiful country. But of course, they know that. That's why adults and children alike make the camino. I recently talked with my host parents about all the young kids that are streaming across the border. As much "perspective" I may have on the situation, I'll never be able to understand what it's like to let your child go, perhaps forever. My host mom started tearing up when she talked about Wil, and I just let the subject drop.

It's one of the three big Peace Corps goals to better the understanding of Americans on the part of our host country members. That means explaining why you're so different, keeping your cool during interrogations, and always being conscious of the fact that you, the gringo, are the only American ambassador they are likely to ever meet. It's a lot of pressure.

But I did have fun being the official/unofficial America knowitall when I showed my host family my early birthday present from the Kearneys. Maps! So many maps! I've been asking for maps on my wish-list since I got here. They're a PCV's best friend. I was able to show Aysel where her papito lives, where I'm from, New York and Los Angles (which are on opposite sides of the country!), where the Hawks and Cubs play in Chicago, where's the Bean and Sears Tower and.... It was great.

Thank you, Kearneys! You made me a very happy gringa :)

My models, Edwin and Aysel. 

Aysel Learns English Part II

Back by popular demand! The much anticipated follow up to "Hello" is Please and Thank You! 

I'd like to thank the Academy, and the English language. Thank you!

The easy life

Don't be fooled by my title- life in the campo is NOT easy. But it can be easy-going. I took this week to recuperate from a virus and my visit to the US. I also spent a record breaing 3 hours and 12 minutes washing my clothes on Sunday. Here's some pics I snapped during the downtime. 

I bought a shelf for my new pots and pans. This is a SERIOUS win for me. Woo, clean dishes! 

I visited Nina Otina and she gave me this plant/fruit to eat. 

You feel the white fuzz off and eat it. It's sweet, but fuzzy. 

Otinia enjoys the plant/fruit. I forgot what it's called, but it starts with an E. 

Aysel was beating the heat by taking a bath in a teeny tiny guacal. 

Upgrade! Cribs: El Salvador.

Aysel's birthday

Aysel turned 3 years old on Sunday. She's the most interesting little human I've ever met, and I'm so excited to watch her grow and develop!

The fancy shamncy cake (Aysel's middle name is Nahomi, which they sometimes call her if she doesn't come quick enough.)

Birthday girl cuts the cake!

It's tradition to smash the birthday person's face in the cake. Aysel was scarred for life and absolutely REFUSED to "sniff the cake" or "lick the cake." Did I mention she's smart? They smeared cake on her anyways. 

Birthday girl and mommy. 

The Salvadoran anti-smile.

Me and my Aysel!

I took a bit of icing off her face. She was not amused. (I love her face in this one!)