My last days in El Salvador

It wasn't all doom and gloom my last days in El Salvador. My host family and PCV friends did a lot to celebrate my time with me and send me off well. Here are some pictures from my last week in El Salvador:

Seder time! I used the time together to tell some PCVs in person that I was leaving. It was really sad, but everyone was supportive. And I love Seder. It's my favorite cross-cross cultural activities we do. Thanks to Hil and Noah!

Me and Maria in all our Kosher glory. 

The next day me and Amanda went for a hike and swam in this waterfall. It was so beautiful! 

Waterfalls were a big part of my service. Only fitting that I climbed one more.

Our guide, Prudi. I've known him through Noah and Hil, and he was an amazing guide. We talked about the future of El Salvador and how he sees things. I really valued his opinions. 

On Wednesday I made pupusas for the community. People were impressed!

Me and Orbe serving up pupusas hot!

I had two despedidas at the school. I was so surprised! Here's me with the 9th graders and my cake, it says Gracias por todo/Thanks for everything. 

Cutting the cake. Then they rubbed some on my face because that's what you do!

They also gave me a t-shirt with all their names and mine on it. Here's me with the boys.

And the girls. 

The next day I had a surprise despedida with the teachers. So much food!!!!

I would have dressed up, but all my clothes were packed. It was so kind of them and they had nice things to say. The school was my little oasis in the community, so I was happy to spend time with them before I left. 

On my last day we made marquesote (a type of sweet bread) so I could bring it home to my family. Here's my host dad whipping eggs.

And we aprovechared the oven and made pizza! It was the best pizza we've ever made. Kati and Xio making food. 

Josefina and my Aysel on Sunday morning, the morning I left my community. 

I immediately started crying when Aysel walked through the door. That was my gut reaction. I wish I could take her with me. 

Otinia was my rock from the beginning. Saying goodbye to her was hard. 

Right after this group photo I sobbed on everyone. Like can't breath, snot nosed sobs. I will never, ever forget them.

Me ringing the bell. It's over :(

My PM, Clelia, and I.  

Irma, my life saving PCMO, and I. 

It was an exciting moment. 

I really wanted to share these photos because this is how I remember my community: selfless, caring people who just want to support me and take me in.

I ask that you keep an open mind regarding my situation. I never want someone to think, "Oh El Salvador, that place is terrible." Please don't generalize and please don't think I resent anything. I have fond memories and abundant love for my community, for PCES, and for my fellow PCVs. I'm thankful for this experience and I'll carry it with me forever.

Modern roofing

This past week I did my third VRF (Volunteer Reporting Form... at least I think that's what it stands for). Every six months we're supposed to sum up what we've accomplished and how many lives are forever changed. Well, at least that's what it feels like. I spent a lot of time on this one and I tried to explain just how working with community partners has affected my time spent here. Yikes.

On the other hand though, this means I've spent 18 months in-site and I've been in-country a total of 618 days. Que fast. And what exactly do I have to show- work wise at least- on these VRFs? The insecurities are seeping in...

Some PCVs are the camp types. They love camps. I love that they love camps, but I think I'd go insane if I tried to do one myself. I'm more of the slow burn kind of volunteer- I'm always around doing something, even if the doing is glacially slow. Sometimes I wish I was a camp person so I could feel that whoosh of accomplishment, but alas, I am more campo than camp. Oh, but hey! It only took me 18 months to get these financial education classes going! Imagine what I could accomplish if I extended another year.

(Sorry, I have no plans of extending. I love my host family and my community, but I'm ready for the next chapter. The above statement is just to see if my mom still reads my blog posts.)

This week is Semana Santa so everyone from students to health promoters to executives in the capital have the week off. My whole host family is home together so we've spent it making tamales and watching beach soccer. Now, usually I hate watching soccer for obvious reasons (IT'S BORING). But I gotta tell you- I love beach soccer. It's shosrter than a normal game, the field is a sand pit, and the players can do cooler tricks with the balls in their bare feet. El Salvador is actually amazing at beach soccer, and there's an intense rivalry between the US and El Salvador. The biannual international competition is being hosted in El Salvador and I'm so proud of my host country! Plus, these players aren't so bad to look at.

We also took the time off to put lamina on my roof because it was raining on me during the few rainstorms we've had. I suggested putting up a tarp, but my host dad wouldn't have any of that. A simple hour long activity turned into an all day tare down. And I cannot lie- I was absolutely disgusted. Mounds and mounds of dust, 30 years of it to be exact, came raining down as my host dad removed the ceramic tiles. Mild surprise turned to horror as I realized that THIS was the culprit for my recent sinus infections. That stuff is in my lungs?!

My host dad balancing on the baras.

My host mom sweeping up for the third time. Seriously, think of this times three. 

Even though I had my stuff covered with the tarp I originally bought to put up on the ceiling, the dirt was everywhere and I had to wash everything. I stupidly left my shoes uncovered and they were literally filled with the stuff. There's nothing I hate more than washing my blanket by hand, and I nearly cried when I found dirt stuck in my loofa.

My host mom felt bad for me because I'm not used to "this kind of work." Ok lady, I'll bite. I'm not used to it! I hate it! I miss my appliances and modern roofing and clean bedsheets. Dear lord, what I would do for a new mattress and clean bedsheets.

On the bright side, there is much less dust and dirt falling from my ceiling and I believe I'm protected for the rainy season. I made my host dad mango popsickles this morning to say thanks. I may not be used to dust and back breaking work, but I appreciate when others are willing to help me out. Can I put that on my VRF?

Living with strangers!

When it comes to living with a host family, it’s general PCV consensus that you’re either treated as a member of the family or you’re better off living alone. Most all Peace Corps posts require that you live with a host family during the 3 months of training before you start your service. The benefits are clear: better language and cultural immersion, introduction to local foods, safety, etc. El Salvador extends the host family living requirement throughout PC service, mostly for safety concerns. This can either be a blessing or an, ahem, “learning experience.”

Every host family is different, and there are pros and cons in every living situation. It’s a nasty PCV tendency to compare our host families, but it’s a topic that always comes up. I lived in a beautiful remeza (remittances from the US) house, but my host family situation was less than great. Similarly, there are people living in houses that barely scrape past the PC inspections but have a warm and supportive host family. I can definitely say that the later is much better for mental and emotional health. The house feels more like home when you actually like being in it! Leaky roof and all.

The three host families I’ve lived with in El Salvador are each so unique, but I definitely feel like third time’s the charm. I’ve finally found a family that treats me as family. I’m not the almighty gringa who must be served, nor am I a monthly rent check. I am Ale. Silly, chatty, and a big eater. I like tea in the morning and weak café listo at night. I love the telenovela Mi Corazón Es Tuyo but I don’t like the one about the chocolate factory. I feel free to talk about anything with my new host family. As I say, I have MAD confianza with them. I trust them and they trust I won’t burn their house down.

In June I was experiencing the notorious “Mid-Service Crisis” and my host family was a large part of my freak out. I wanted to move out of my house immediately. Unfortunately, “immediately” turned into “never” when PCES told me that no, I may not live in my own casita. With no other housing options available, I had to suck it up and stay with the family. Technically, there wasn’t a safety or security risk, so my concerns were chalked up to “cultural differences.” It was frustrating, but I eventually resigned to my fate of lonely nights, disgusting household chores, and a pervasive, underlying tension.

When communities are vetted to receive a PCV they must offer up three housing options elected by the counterparts themselves. This might mean they offer up their extended family's house or the nice remeza house, or they offer up a house and host family that seems like a good idea but really isn't. The benefits of living in the community for so long is that now I know who I wouldn’t mind living with and who would make my life a living hell. (I know where the bolos live and who hosts culto every week. No way, José!). Thank goodness my new family had a room become available when the original housing contract was broken last month and I had to move out.

I understand that opening one's home to a stranger, a foreigner no less, can be a daunting thing to ask. In addition to the 2-year time commitment, there are the daily miscommunications, preconceived notions, and the issue of taking "me time" in a country that doesn't value being alone. It could be a tough sell for both PCVs and host families alike. Like I said before, I'm not necessarily mad that I had to move. The host family seemed nice when PC met them, they were kind when I arrived, and the house is amazing compared to the others in the community. I mean, the walls go all the way up to the ceilings! That's a huge deal! PC couldn't have predicted the ridiculous power dynamic that cropped up after a few months, nor could they predict that the family would break the housing contract a year and a half in.

I learned about a new religion and way of life with my old host family, and I'm thankful for the experience. However, I feel so relieved when I come home to my new host family. I feel so comfortable and happy with them, and I never felt anything like this with my last family. It's weird, but every happy moment is tinged with a bit of sadness. A voice in my heads keeps asking, why couldn’t I have lived with this family at the start? Why couldn’t I have moved here sooner? I think that my service would have been better, more "successful" even, if my home life was happier. I would have had the ganas to bounce back faster after a setback and, surely, I would have made more and better contacts in the community.

I know, I know. Live in the present, not the past, bla bla bla. But I can’t help but think about how different my experience would have been if I felt this kind of support earlier. I feel like a year and a half in my site has been wasted battling catty host sisters and constantly feeling uncomfortable at home.

Ob the bright side, I truly think it’s all a “learning experience.” If everything was easy from the start, would it even be Peace Corps?

Makin' moves

Back in the campo and back in action! I had an absolutely amazing time at home. I ate a bunch of my favorite foods (though now I'm thinking of things I missed and will haunt me until I go home again), and saw my favorite people. The best times I had were when people just acted like it was another normal December day with Alex. Not "Oooooh my GAWD we have such little time together and it will be ages before I see you again so let me just STARE at you." The later made me feel uncomfortable and even a little angry. I don't want to constantly be reminded that I'm just a visitor in my own home! Naturally, some of the people to commit this crime are the ones I love most dearly.

And a lot of people thought I was home for good. I guess time goes faster in the USA, because I met up with people who felt positive that I had been in El Salvador for at least 2 years already. (It's actually been 542 days, but who's counting?)

I needed the time to recharge my batteries in the US. I've had a lot of momentous setbacks and failed projects, and I basically went missing when I was writing my capstone. (Which, if you would like to read, can be found on the Stevenson Center for Community and Economic Development's Research webpage here.) I was feeling blah and very "over it" regarding service or work related activities. I'm kicking myself for that now, because some PCVs from my group just pulled off a very successful GLOW camp that has been months in the works. I wish I was feeling more motivated and got in on this great opportunity!

I came back feeling much more in the game for my last 9 months of service. Actually, right now it's kind of like 8 months. And it's really only about 5 months until I visit home again so.... this is it.

I guess time goes fast in El Salvador, too.

I'm already making big moves. I mean literally, I'm moving host families. I got back from vacation and was handed some unfortunate news along the lines of "move out." Although I was surprised, I wasn't very upset. I have a very unusual relationship with my host family. I've never been treated as a family member but I'm more than just a tenant. I have gross household chores that are way above my pay grade and they just do not care about my sleep schedule. I took this boot to the butt as an opportunity to move in with a family who welcomes, accepts, and supports me. The actual housing structure is, well, a major downgrade. But I don't care in the least bit. I've gotten to know my future host family over the past year and a half and I feel like I'll be so much happier under their roof.

Right now we're working to bring it up to PCES standards. I'm helping to build a door and hook up electricity, and do something about the bat problem. I'm also spending some good bonding time with my future family. Today is a birthday party and I'm bringing American candy to snack on.

I'm going to be sad to move. I've made this my home. I have pictures up on the walls and I know where the cell signal hits best on all areas of our property. I like chatting with my host dad and I really like our fancy house (indoor plumbing!). And Aysel. Don't even get me started, I might cry. I've been spending time just talking nonsense with her and knocking green mangos off our trees. I'm gonna miss my niñita.

Welcome to campo life

You know you're getting old in "Peace Corps years" when another cohort from your program area arrives and you have to show them the ropes of PC life. I've never felt more integrated or just plain settled than I did this past week for Immersion Days with two trainees, Ofira and Julie.

I looked back on what I had to say on my Immersion Days last year, and I smiled to see "I can't wait to get my own PCT in July!" Immersion Days are supposed to be a laid back, ask me questions, welcome to the life experience and I think we accomplished just that. Luckily, no pants were pooped in the making of these Immersion Days.

I went to Gotera on Thursday to pick up my charges. We grabbed lunch and gabbed with some other PCV/Ts. My trainees were great with asking poignant questions. I really had to think on some like "What are your indicators for success?" and "What's the most surprising positive and negatives?"

We missed art class on Thursday, but not for lack of trying! As soon as we made it up the road a group of my kids came rushing towards us with new bracelets on. I was so proud. I've realized how much the kids love me here and truly look forward to our time together. (In case you were wondering- THAT'S my indicator for success.) We spent the rest of the day with my host family waiting out a terrible wind storm that knocked over a huge tree, thus cutting the power in my house for a few days. All the cheese went bad :(

We spent Friday morning with more Q&A and coffee time, wrapped up by going to the lookout on my host family's property. It was a hazy hot day, but the valley was just as beautiful as ever. Friday afternoon was pizza time with Niña Orbelina and Co. Last time we made pizza, I was heavily influencing the process. We used my dad's own masa recipe and they kept checking in with me to see if they were making it right. This time I let the process go as it would if I wasn't there, in an effort to let Orbe find her rhythm. It worked. She was rolling out dough and firing up the oven in a flash of concentrated effort that only comes with being a very experienced chef and entrepreneur.

Julie and Ofira helping with the masa.

Learning with Orbe and Ciomara, their host mom for Immersion Days.

Gringa pizza with crust on the left, before going in. 

Proud of our work. 

Yum!

The family posing REAL QUICK before digging in.

In true PC fashion, we had coffee by candle light at my house after pizza. Erik came over and I helped him with his English homework. He walked the trainees home and we noticed how amazing the stars were. I guess that's one plus to having the community's power knocked out.

Saturday morning we climbed to a new waterfall in La Montaña. The whole family came! Even Otinia make it up to the top with Vaquito leading the way. I tried explaining to the PCTs that climbing waterfalls is a rare experience typically reserved for special ocassions, but the truth is I go pretty.  darn. frequently.  This waterfall is smaller than the other, but still worth the climb!

On the move.

Ta da!

Ofira and Julie enjoying the posa. Cati hanging on to the irrigation tubes (which we ended up breaking shortly after). 

Climbing higher.

Welcome to PCV life! I think they like it.

Vaquito thinks he's a human, but refuses to bathe. 

Salvadorans are fearless!

Otinia, queen of the waterfall. She's the coolest 65-year-old best friend ever!

Trying to keep the irrigation tubes together. 

 We made our way back down and Ciomara, being the AMAZING host mom she is, made a delicious lunch for us still in her wet waterfall clothes. We had a quick ADESCO meeting then went to check out the sugar cane mill.

Manuel picking at the cobwebs. It hadn't been used in a while, clearly. 

At work!

Eating fresh cane. It's delicious! 

We came back and made pupusas. After dinner we spent some time talking about Salvadoran food, which I've come to love. I kept saying, "Mmmm me gusta atol chuco! Mmm me gusta arroz con leche." They tried a Salvadoran cookie called salporas, a dry and crumbly cookie that desperately needs a side of coffee. Apparently, if you want to buy salporas at the Sunday market in the pueblo you gotta take the first bus. The first bus passes by my site at 5am. So, I dragged my butt outta bed at 4:30am and rallied the PCTs! It was actually great for me because I needed to do my weekly shopping and restock the queso duro in my fridge.

We came back around 7am and enjoyed another wonderful meal by Ciomara. More coffee and chitchat, then the micro came by to whisk Ofira and Julie back to the other side of the country.

Julie making pupusas with Orbe.

One last pic with the host fam. They were great!

 It's funny. Immersion Days was supposed to be an eye-opening experience for the trainees, but I ended up learning a lot about myself and my community. I've been here a year but there's still surprises. I went to parts of my community I didn't even know existed and noticed, comparatively, just how much I've integrated into Salvadoran culture. Really simple things that make a big impact like saluding all the kids, tuning out roosters, and dealing with loud culto radio have made me into a successful, well adjusted PCV.

Not everything's perfect in campo life, but there are perfect moments. Otinia perched on the waterfall, fresh pan dulce from the oven, a bigillion stars in the sky, a gaggle of kids yelling "SALUD ALE" from the streets. That's what PCV life is about.

Good luck, future PCVs!

More cake

Before I left for the USA we celebrated my host mom's birthday. It was a good time and we got to eat more cake. People are getting older, but I'm just getting fatter!

I taught the kids some yoga poses. David is pretty good!

Host mom's new shoes. They're actually super popular with nurses here.

Yum.

The family!

Of course, she has to have some cake on her face. Felicidades!