My first and last fair

You might have picked up on this by now, but my last host family didn't go out much. They sincerely believed that the freaks come out at night. That coupled with the expectation that I was home by 5pm every night resulted in a year and a half of avoiding community events and fairs.

No more, my friends!

My new host family is always on the move. This past week was the patron saint fair in my pueblo, and it's the first and last time I'll see it. Well, better late than never, right?

Chancho Encebado (Greased Pig) 

I thought this event consisted of greasing up a pig in vegetable oil and just embracing the pig. A hug really. To win you have to be the first man to hug the pig. 

Uh, I was wrong. Chancho is one of the many derivatives for "pig" in El Salvador. We have cerdo, tunco, chancho, cuche and probably a few others. That's why people have a hard time learning Spanish in El Salvador- everything has 5 slang nicknames. 

They brought out the 170lb pig an began to shave it with an electric razor. Who knew that pigs were so hairy? Shaving the pig makes it more slippery when you rub margarine and vegetable oil all over it. From snout to curly tail, that pig was greased. Grown men must take off their shirts, pick up the pig, carry it from the pen, and then carry it to the end of the street. You have 30 seconds each turn to get the pig out of the pen, and they go in turns until someone wins. If you can manage the twisting, screaming pig, you can keep it. Eat it or sell it, it's up to you.

It's a lot harder to do than you think.

I really, really didn't like that the pig was dragged, dropped on its head, body slammed and even punched by one participant. I told my new host siblings that I don't like it! This is mean! And they just told me to calm down, it's only a tradition.

Well, I officially lost my shit when a participant got mad and scooped up a hand full of pig shit and threw it into the air so it fell ever so gracefully on everyone's heads. I had poop in my hair, on my backpack, and on my clothes. At this point I was getting pretty loud and pissed off. None of the men could manage the pig, so I think they got a consolation prize of $10 each.

Torriada (Bull Riding) 

The bull event was more enjoyable, but still features animal cruelty (from my American POV). We all filed in (after dark!) to a rickety stadium of sorts a few miles away from my community. My host uncle owns a cattle truck, which actually serves as a people truck. He'll bring at least 50 people at a time to the events, and he doesn't even charge. When we pulled up to the rickety stadium I knew this was going to be an experience.

I say it was rickety because it was a series of wood slats tied together and laid across metal beams. It literally make a rickety sound when you walked the plank.

The torriada features bulls (with testicles, this was made to be a big deal) ridden for a few seconds by a bull rider then cornered by three men skilled in tempting fate. They brought the bull in with bright red flags then would dive out of the way. No one got seriously injured, but there were some close calls.

In the middle of the torriada we got a special visit from a dou act of clowns. Now, I've seen a lot of clowns here in El Salvador. People here love clowns. I hate clowns. They are not funny. Slapstick comedy is usually not funny to me. But, in the spirit of cultural sensitivity, I laughed at the clowns. There were some pretty real laughs, too. The act was set to music and they were timed down to the second. They had a bunch of props and can sing and twerk. They had a briefcase painted to look like a camera, complete with a "flash" on top. They went around taking pictures of the crowd, and they spotted me in the front row and made sure to get a picture. What he took out of the briefcase were large pictures of monkeys, obese people, and toothless old ladies. I was depicted to be a very ugly boy. I got a kick out of that. They had some topical references such as cleaning the pila in your boxers and picky pupusa orderers (I want 1 frijo con queso, 1 puro queso, 1 half and half revuelta y queso). It was funny, trust me.

The night was freezing though! I'm definitely not enjoying this super cold weather. Ya know, like 60 degrees!

Desfile de Candidatas (Parade of Candidates) 

Even though this next event goes right past my community, I had never participated before last night. It was so much fun! There are about eight candidatas who are in the running to win queen of the fair. It's incredibly expensive to be a candidata. You need multiple prom dresses, family members who own cars, and you have to buy candy to throw out at the desfile. The parade takes place at night because the floats are all lit up. Most of the floats throw candy, but sometimes they throw a cup of noodles. I made a brilliant jumping catch for a cup of noodles. Everyone was impressed! But I'm fortunate enough to have a host family who cooks for me, so I gave my prized cup of noodles to an old lady. She was very sweet and said she'd eat them for lunch tomorrow. 

I win!!!

One of the floats. 

This weekend I'm going to the crowning ceremony for the candidatas and whatever else the fair has to offer. After all, this is my last patron saint fair and I finally have a host family who will go with me.